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lyrics

You left me at the lamplight thinking we could get by. You left me standing there as I watched it happen. You broke me like the seasons. You are an anorexic stem and I still goddamn love you.

You broke me like the seasons. You are an anorexic stem and I still goddamn love you. Your saliva, I'll drink it all on your mattress because I won't live for you despite the fact that I want to.

I want this to be the last song you ever care about. Oh god that sounds pretentious, it's a disease our kids will carry to their graves. It's just the children we'll never have. We make love but it never lasts, in my closet weather casket where I found out you are the one. You are the one.

I want this to be the last song you ever hear, if you're even listening. Oh god that sounds pretentious, it's a disease our kids will carry to their graves.

///

"the rest of my life"

I always felt so fucking sorry for what I did to you. Who I shaped you to be in front of an audience. But see like, you were the one who made me feel like such a big boy when in actuality I was just your dirty old man. So now all I want to be is your special little girl. And I'll find peace of mind in shedding skin. And you'll find yours in the solace of snowfall in your backyard. A reminder of simpler times. For you, your childhood. For me, your parents' house and a sense of self I let fade with the snow's departure.

And though this is more like the final chapter in my fucked up little story, I always get wrapped up in the idea that theoretical love is not dead. So I'll feel you more on some days. And then other days you'll be the snowfall in may, non-existent. And then occasionally, occasionally people will remind me of you. Not just in their bodies, but in their playful moans or how someone can clearly stare directly at you but then the positioning of their eyebrows makes it feel like they're looking right through you, all in all making me feel more hollow in the end. And then months of progress get erased. And I get wrapped up in it all over again.

credits

from Theoretical Love Is Not Dead, released September 16, 2014

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Personality Disorders New York

Songs to fall asleep to.

Bedroom recordings; May 2013-January 2016.

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