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please stay younger [32 days]

by Personality Disorders

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1.
And you were embarrassed by the scent and the weight on your skin. With no sense of malice you found a new way to creep on her skin. When you sleep at night do you feel the same way? I swear from your breath and its weight on my skin there was no sense of malice.
2.
you make me feel scared you make me feel like a child you make me feel dead on the inside -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm sleeping over you because that's what you deserve, you look so pretty as I lay above you. Entranced by your skin's imperfection and the way you breathe makes me think I'm not fading away.
3.
I wanna be the drink that you burn your tongue on Ignore all your tastebuds, oh how I wish you would taste mine Bite down harder, I'm starting to feel it these notions of separation Desire becomes clearer in the form of a teardrop Desire becomes clearer when we take our clothes off I wanna be a martyr, no I just wanna be remembered I wanna be your hands on your cold naked body I wanna be the one who scars your memories I wanna be caught in women's clothing Desire becomes clearer in the form of a teardrop Desire becomes clearer when we take our clothes off
4.
Talking shit about you on the way home Feeling good about myself Why did you blow smoke into our faces? I already didn't see things clearly We're walking through Astoria, where are you? We're walking through Astoria, how are you? I'm sorry I'm a misogynist and you're a misandrist, and I am a masochist and you are the shoreline, biting.
5.
flower shop [day 5] (free) 01:02
dyeing your hair dying to care i used to dream about having sex with you because i trusted you but now i know better now you deserve better now and all that anyone else can give you now
6.
i've got nothing to say today maybe tomorrow but not today
7.
Remembering when we used to play in traffic because if we weren't near dying than we weren't near living The cold December air cut into us like a chip on your shoulder that takes out your whole fucking arm An open knife wound in your heart, I put my hands my body over you to slow down the bleeding But my body is only a bandage and I can only hide not heal what you already see Live with me Live with me Live with me Stop acting like it's going to get better and live with me You fell in love with highway traffic and asked me about our futures, and with no clear expression I said we're stuck in the past and not moving on easily Squeeze yourself dry and stop telling me these lies You're more than Catholic Summers in your childhood home and inexpensive liquor with strangers You deserve better but tell yourself otherwise Red wine makes up for the heart you lost to fast cars Or at least you tell yourself so
8.
It's impossible to say our glory days are now behind us, or lay before us It's impossible to say that I love you back, because I don't The person I fell in love with, is not the person I fell in love with The person I fell in love with now lays in photographs we took in the past
9.
Eraser/erase her/erase me too/cross out the lines/the stories you've written/every nightmare/all at once
10.
11.
river livings [day 11] (free) 00:52
I am walking by a river and I am 15 again. I am calm, I am alright. The air is innocent and no one has yet to hurt me. The bicycle seat sinks when I try to drown. Carving my grasp loose from these filthy hands, I let go of reality. There are no eyes, no ears. While I am awake the world lays asleep. As I fall into the water I feel content. No one has yet to hurt me and I'm 15 again.
12.
Dirt in my eyes Clean it with your fingers Kiss your face Touch you with two fingers We're quiet at first and we're in my room But it's not my room And you're hollow as your mother when you taste like sin
13.
I like it when you suffocate me, it's like being held with more dedication. We killed angels and sat on park benches. I don't eat meat anymore, why won't you love me?
14.
You bring out the animal inside me Stick out my large teeth and sink them into your flesh Killing you in the process I'm not angry but I wish you were You're not angry but I wish I was A loner and a pipe dream A rockstar and a movie scene
15.
16.
17.
Touching you, feeling good about my dirty body. And a dirty soul to match this existence. Touching you early before morning classes and at night when you get home from work.
18.
hell, norway [day 18] (free) 02:48
19.
20.
amateur poems [day 20] (free) 02:00
Walking home from your apartment, our bodies laid in rain. We watercolored the pavement with each other's names. I begged you for more of what I asked for and you told me to shut up. It's not now, it's not the time. There is a place we can meet. We walked back to your apartment but the rain felt heavier than it ever did before.
21.
There is always a physical answer to your pain. A blame game of who hurt who more, you know i love you more. You know I do. Come back to bed. You're no good as a ghost inside my head. So I'll see you when I see you, or in hell, or when we turn 21.
22.
I only want to take from her what you took from me. A sign of dignity detailing who I am, or rather who I was. For now, I want short laughs and shorter relationships with girls who don't care about the length of my hair, who I am, or how I act. I want to tear them apart the way you tore up me. I want to tear them apart because you tore up me.
23.
hurt me [day 23] (free) 01:28
[the lyrics came out basically inaudible sorry] Thinking about hurting myself, there's no better way to hurt myself than to hurt you. No other one makes me feel as pathetic as you do, but I still love you.
24.
zach [day 24] (free) 00:05
25.
I woke up exhausted today No, I became so exhausted today I want to spend my life sleeping away No, I want to spend my life sleeping away I don't want to work, don't want to pray, don't want to eat, don't want to lay, with anyone who won't let me breathe. I want to breathe, I want to live, I want to breathe. I'm exhausted today, I wish you'd understand. It's not easy to communicate the way you feel. It's not fun to be the one who is a downer today. I don't want to eat, don't want to pray, don't want to sleep, oh wait I want to sleep, I want to be away from everyone who's making noise. I'm not making noise, I'm just trying to catch up on sleep.
26.
saliva [day 26] (free) 01:36
Drinking saliva, you leave it in my throat I strained myself, but you did not notice or hear a sound You speak of another but you live in my mouth Locking the door, back when I could not say no I extorted your body, and hurt you too I wish I was dead but I love telling lies I wish I was dead because you're alive Your saliva on my cock And the reason I'm alone It's not fair, to leave saliva in my mouth It's not fair, when I taste you at night after I leave your house
27.
mattress [day 27] (free) 01:25
Let me be the mattress in your room so I can watch you undress at night. Find comfort in the grooves of my body, wash out your eyes with my chest. But all that I'm doing is watching you two fuck on a mattress that meant something until it didn't with someone else, someone you cared about.
28.
29.
carnival [day 29] (free) 02:28
30.
aw yeah cuz [day 30] (free) 01:48
31.
Fake money, a bitter heart I never know where to touch you You're a disease Plastic veins, all torn up We shoot up the sun, watch it burn everyone Then go back to bed Real life cassette girl ate my brain, swung her tape around my neck. Please baby don't be upset. She didn't love me. Now I know. Real life cassette girl is outdated, she loves vintage sound. A hollow night we live, in up and down circles we exist.
32.
loveyrface [day 32] (free) 02:14
We don't need to talk, we don't need to write. You are the summer I spent inside, in my room cutting off ties. But then I grew up and grew out my hair, did you notice, did you care? I still love your face, I like to think it stayed the same. I spent the last few years of my life thinking about how I wish I could die in my sleep, or in your bed, or by your side. Your life for what it's worth is not worth mine.

about

This is the product of writing and recording a song every day for a month. It was more of a test to see if I could pull it off, and I'm happy I did. There's a lot of crap here because a lot of nights I felt like I had to force myself for the sake of the project and that sucked. Moreover, I feel like the spirit of this project suffered for that, because there's an ambiance I try to create and I couldn't always nail it. But despite however many times I wanted to quit, I didn't. A couple cool songs came out of this too, so I guess that's pretty alright. I don't expect anyone to listen as this isn't really my best, but if you're curious, it's all here. Thank you.

For smoothest listening experience, use headphones.

Good ones: Day 7, 9,11, 12, 17, 26, 27, 32
Bad ones: Day 4, 5, 6, 13, 15, 16, 18, 23
Indifferent: Everything else wasn't really good or really bad i don't know

credits

released January 27, 2014

All songs written and recorded December 2013-January 2014 at The Closet Mansion.

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Personality Disorders New York

Songs to fall asleep to.

Bedroom recordings; May 2013-January 2016.

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