please stay younger [32 days]

by Personality Disorders

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about

This is the product of writing and recording a song every day for a month. It was more of a test to see if I could pull it off, and I'm happy I did. There's a lot of crap here because a lot of nights I felt like I had to force myself for the sake of the project and that sucked. Moreover, I feel like the spirit of this project suffered for that, because there's an ambiance I try to create and I couldn't always nail it. But despite however many times I wanted to quit, I didn't. A couple cool songs came out of this too, so I guess that's pretty alright. I don't expect anyone to listen as this isn't really my best, but if you're curious, it's all here. Thank you.

For smoothest listening experience, use headphones.

Good ones: Day 7, 9,11, 12, 17, 26, 27, 32
Bad ones: Day 4, 5, 6, 13, 15, 16, 18, 23
Indifferent: Everything else wasn't really good or really bad i don't know

credits

released January 27, 2014

All songs written and recorded December 2013-January 2014 at The Closet Mansion.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Personality Disorders New York

Songs to fall asleep to.

Bedroom recordings; May 2013-January 2016.

contact / help

Contact Personality Disorders

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Track Name: full throttle life [day 1]
And you were embarrassed by the scent and the weight on your skin. With no sense of malice you found a new way to creep on her skin. When you sleep at night do you feel the same way? I swear from your breath and its weight on my skin there was no sense of malice.
Track Name: i can feel it crawling on my skin, on the hairs on the back of my neck [day 2]
you make me feel scared
you make me feel like a child
you make me feel dead on the inside

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I'm sleeping over you because that's what you deserve, you look so pretty as I lay above you. Entranced by your skin's imperfection and the way you breathe makes me think I'm not fading away.
Track Name: notions of separation [day 3]
I wanna be the drink that you burn your tongue on
Ignore all your tastebuds, oh how I wish you would taste mine
Bite down harder, I'm starting to feel it these notions of separation

Desire becomes clearer in the form of a teardrop
Desire becomes clearer when we take our clothes off

I wanna be a martyr, no I just wanna be remembered
I wanna be your hands on your cold naked body
I wanna be the one who scars your memories
I wanna be caught in women's clothing

Desire becomes clearer in the form of a teardrop
Desire becomes clearer when we take our clothes off
Track Name: masochist/shoreline [day 4]
Talking shit about you on the way home
Feeling good about myself
Why did you blow smoke into our faces?
I already didn't see things clearly

We're walking through Astoria, where are you?
We're walking through Astoria, how are you?
I'm sorry I'm a misogynist and you're a misandrist, and I am a masochist and you are the shoreline, biting.
Track Name: flower shop [day 5]
dyeing your hair
dying to care
i used to dream about having sex with you
because i trusted you
but now i know better now
you deserve better now
and all that anyone else can give you now
Track Name: i started listening to crying this week [day 6]
i've got nothing to say today
maybe tomorrow but not today
Track Name: a life spent sleeping away [day 7]
Remembering when we used to play in traffic because if we weren't near dying than we weren't near living
The cold December air cut into us like a chip on your shoulder that takes out your whole fucking arm
An open knife wound in your heart, I put my hands my body over you to slow down the bleeding
But my body is only a bandage and I can only hide not heal what you already see
Live with me
Live with me
Live with me
Stop acting like it's going to get better and live with me

You fell in love with highway traffic and asked me about our futures, and with no clear expression I said we're stuck in the past and not moving on easily
Squeeze yourself dry and stop telling me these lies
You're more than Catholic Summers in your childhood home and inexpensive liquor with strangers
You deserve better but tell yourself otherwise
Red wine makes up for the heart you lost to fast cars
Or at least you tell yourself so
Track Name: attachment, deattachment/attachment, deattachment [day 8]
It's impossible to say our glory days are now behind us, or lay before us
It's impossible to say that I love you back, because I don't
The person I fell in love with, is not the person I fell in love with
The person I fell in love with now lays in photographs we took in the past
Track Name: a life spent thinking of things that will never happen [day 9]
Eraser/erase her/erase me too/cross out the lines/the stories you've written/every nightmare/all at once
Track Name: river livings [day 11]
I am walking by a river and I am 15 again. I am calm, I am alright. The air is innocent and no one has yet to hurt me. The bicycle seat sinks when I try to drown. Carving my grasp loose from these filthy hands, I let go of reality. There are no eyes, no ears. While I am awake the world lays asleep. As I fall into the water I feel content. No one has yet to hurt me and I'm 15 again.
Track Name: hollow girl and the pills she took [day 12]
Dirt in my eyes
Clean it with your fingers
Kiss your face
Touch you with two fingers
We're quiet at first and we're in my room
But it's not my room
And you're hollow as your mother when you taste like sin
Track Name: oh i'm sorry that's just my face [day 13]
I like it when you suffocate me, it's like being held with more dedication. We killed angels and sat on park benches. I don't eat meat anymore, why won't you love me?
Track Name: animal inside me [day 14]
You bring out the animal inside me
Stick out my large teeth and sink them into your flesh
Killing you in the process
I'm not angry but I wish you were
You're not angry but I wish I was
A loner and a pipe dream
A rockstar and a movie scene
Track Name: touch me touch me touch me [day 17]
Touching you, feeling good about my dirty body. And a dirty soul to match this existence. Touching you early before morning classes and at night when you get home from work.
Track Name: amateur poems [day 20]
Walking home from your apartment, our bodies laid in rain. We watercolored the pavement with each other's names. I begged you for more of what I asked for and you told me to shut up. It's not now, it's not the time. There is a place we can meet. We walked back to your apartment but the rain felt heavier than it ever did before.
Track Name: i could probably do better than this [day 21]
There is always a physical answer to your pain. A blame game of who hurt who more, you know i love you more. You know I do. Come back to bed. You're no good as a ghost inside my head. So I'll see you when I see you, or in hell, or when we turn 21.
Track Name: taking what i am given [day 22]
I only want to take from her what you took from me. A sign of dignity detailing who I am, or rather who I was. For now, I want short laughs and shorter relationships with girls who don't care about the length of my hair, who I am, or how I act. I want to tear them apart the way you tore up me. I want to tear them apart because you tore up me.
Track Name: hurt me [day 23]
[the lyrics came out basically inaudible sorry]

Thinking about hurting myself, there's no better way to hurt myself than to hurt you.

No other one makes me feel as pathetic as you do, but I still love you.
Track Name: i feel exhausted [day 25]
I woke up exhausted today
No, I became so exhausted today
I want to spend my life sleeping away
No, I want to spend my life sleeping away

I don't want to work, don't want to pray, don't want to eat, don't want to lay, with anyone who won't let me breathe. I want to breathe, I want to live, I want to breathe. I'm exhausted today, I wish you'd understand.

It's not easy to communicate the way you feel. It's not fun to be the one who is a downer today.

I don't want to eat, don't want to pray, don't want to sleep, oh wait I want to sleep, I want to be away from everyone who's making noise. I'm not making noise, I'm just trying to catch up on sleep.
Track Name: saliva [day 26]
Drinking saliva, you leave it in my throat
I strained myself, but you did not notice or hear a sound

You speak of another but you live in my mouth

Locking the door, back when I could not say no
I extorted your body, and hurt you too

I wish I was dead but I love telling lies
I wish I was dead because you're alive
Your saliva on my cock
And the reason I'm alone

It's not fair, to leave saliva in my mouth
It's not fair, when I taste you at night after I leave your house
Track Name: mattress [day 27]
Let me be the mattress in your room so I can watch you undress at night. Find comfort in the grooves of my body, wash out your eyes with my chest.

But all that I'm doing is watching you two fuck on a mattress that meant something until it didn't with someone else, someone you cared about.
Track Name: real life cassette girl [day 31]
Fake money, a bitter heart
I never know where to touch you
You're a disease

Plastic veins, all torn up
We shoot up the sun, watch it burn everyone
Then go back to bed

Real life cassette girl ate my brain, swung her tape around my neck. Please baby don't be upset. She didn't love me. Now I know. Real life cassette girl is outdated, she loves vintage sound. A hollow night we live, in up and down circles we exist.
Track Name: loveyrface [day 32]
We don't need to talk, we don't need to write. You are the summer I spent inside, in my room cutting off ties. But then I grew up and grew out my hair, did you notice, did you care? I still love your face, I like to think it stayed the same.

I spent the last few years of my life thinking about how I wish I could die in my sleep, or in your bed, or by your side. Your life for what it's worth is not worth mine.