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You said you'd be okay.
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You said you'd be okay, but you lied. So I dream about one day turning 21, while all the while being 15 locked inside your parents' house. You're someone I know. I know you too well, like the soft spot on your neck or your weakness for soft drinks. You make me feel scared, you make me feel like a child, or the devil, or whatever will communicate to you that what I did was wrong. So I watch you from afar but wait across your block, hoping you're home from college and I can tell you about the kind of piece of shit I am. I'm talking about obsession and I don't think you'll quite understand me. I don't think we were ever meant for each other. Maybe I'm just not meant for you. Let's talk about the children we'll never have over coffee. They can burn in your belly and I'll scream at you for the sake of irritability's sake. I can't stand still. My back won't sit straight. Your expresionlessness when you're angry makes me sit on my own emotions. Comparing you to train tracks will never do you justice. Amateur poetry will never serve its purpose. You were company worth keeping. But now, you're just the sum total of everything, all at once. Tell me you'll be okay because I still think about you, I still worry over you, I still love your face. You're the one. I will always stay the same.
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You said you'd be okay.
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You lied. You tried to hide everything I could see blatantly on your face.
And like a dead tree in spring you'll never get a ring, so lay there to rot and know just who you are.
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Put into boxes that which you'd like to keep but rather not see. A puppet's anxiety of when to cut strings lies with a paranoia preventing time keep, or stable relationships. So tell me, what does your father know?
And don't rely on compliments you get, I'm telling you it's poison. It goes straight to your head. And if food is what you need, then eat. Your body is skinny and initials carved, you called it art, and your mother called it a problem. I should've kept quiet like you kept hungry.
So please, please darling I don't want to.
So please, please darling we don't have to.
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I notice you're not here
I notice you are gone
I carve a crevice just wide enough to call long
And if you return
From your great escape
We can sit inside today and just enjoy the rain
I notice you are different
I notice you have grown
I see it from perspective I needed two years ago
And if you are scared
From a time spent alone
There are better places waiting more than you know
I notice nothing I could use now
You are every mirror in this unleveled house
But I still smile even if not all the way
Because I owe you something I notice everyday
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I haven't liked myself since you left. And from time to time, I'll find hair on my skin and am convinced it's yours.
Even on the days I feel okay, there is a hole in my stomach uttering "No, it's not." Everything I learned about closure is a fucking lie, I still see you all the time.
And I never thought about my life's worth until I met you, as if you were a determination of my value.
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I live with regret because it's much easier than facing myself in mirrors. With who I've become and who I will be, eventually everything, all at once.
Just say you're not in the mood, we don't have to. And don't scream please give me some more.
I'd gouge out my eyes to give you perspective on terrible thoughts I think. But you'd still act blind and say that you're right. I don't exist, and neither did we.
Just say you're not in the mood, we don't have to. And don't scream please give me some more.
You cannot expect me to forget everything that you said about forever and regret. Fuck your never meant.
Pity me not, my broken heart.
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Would you hate me less if I was dead? Because I could've offed myself at 15, but I decided you were worth it. So tell me, am I worth it? You keep me closer to the ground. You're what I dream of when I dream of what it means to be safe and sound.
You like my hair long and I like you more than I could ever like myself because I'm a piece of shit and not worth it. And I'll never feel safe around myself.
So if you want to tell me the last year of my life spent trying to get over myself was wasted, well maybe, maybe you're right.
You told me so.
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Get Over Yourself was the first EP I recorded for this project. I thought I'd celebrate the first year of this project passing by rerecording the EP that started this project.
On this EP are rerecorded versions of the original 5 songs with new arrangements, as well as two new songs. The first is "mirror millimeters off" which I wrote a year ago intending it to be on the original, but then I scrapped it. I thought I'd revisit it in the spirit of revisiting where I was a year ago with all these songs. The second new song "...and you told me so" is me revisiting the ideas and feelings that caused me to write the original songs except now having the knowledge and experience that I have a year later. Thank you.
Tapes out through sorry girls records!
sorrygirlsrecords.storenvy.com/products/8243883-personality-disorders-get-over-yourself-cassette 
